Who Am I?

As a rule, I don’t listen to secular radio stations in the car with the kids (this does not mean they don’t listen to secular music, just not radio stations where I can’t control what is said and played!)  So the other day, I was alone flipping through the stations with the radio cranked (Holly, I totally relate right now!) when a song came on that took me back to high school days when I was footloose and fancy free.  All of the sudden I was back at Bradley’s watching everyone line dancing (even attempting it as I could still somewhat balance then).  And it hit me.  I don’t know what kind of music I like anymore.  I used to listen exclusively to country.  But that was so long ago.  These days I don’t usually tune in as the new stuff is so strange.  Nothing like the days of old country that I loved so much.  I do have a lot of current favorite rock songs, but even that music I find myself not listening to due to the language or message (and trust me, I love a good love song!).  But as a rule, I don’t know what my ‘favorite’ music is and that made me feel old.

Remember when we were young?  We KNEW what we liked.  I could spout off for you what I liked or preferred in every area of my life.  I could give you advice on how to live your life and what decisions to make because I knew it all.  Now? I know nothing.  I’m floundering with how to be the perfect parent.  How to be the perfect spouse.  How to be the perfect sister.  I’m not miserable.  Quite the opposite.  I’m very happy with my life.  I’m just…old and floundering with my identity.  I’m buried in my duties.  When did I get a job with a lot of pressure, two kids, a mortgage, car payments?  How did I get here?   Who am I?

I started wrestling with this the last couple of weeks.  Then God answered.  You’re mine, Daughter.  Just live and enjoy.  It was truly freeing and comforting to hear those words (and it was almost an audible answer!)  So that’s what I’m doing. 🙂